You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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