you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Plan B is the new Plan A
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
