i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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