I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
