Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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