How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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