he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
