I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
