it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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