One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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