He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
last night I used snow as a chaser
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
