A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
