meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
