Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
