I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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