no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
