you're like a bully in the Christmas story
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
