why im i the only drunk person in the library?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
