I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
did i just pee glitter
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
