So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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