addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
