i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
