gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize