i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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