Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
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I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
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Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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