you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
