you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
