Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
