I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
