Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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