I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
