wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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