when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
