i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
