I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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