i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
