i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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