I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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