are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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