I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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