My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
