I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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