First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
