The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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