don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
