I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize