I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
