So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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