oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
