he wants to bone in the snuggie
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
