my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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