we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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