I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think your dad took our porno
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
