Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Randomize
