Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
