yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
