I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
