We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
