I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
