I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
