thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
