3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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