dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
