We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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