Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
