What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
