Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
