The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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