covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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