I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
