2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
