What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
