How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
