Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
