kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
