I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
