4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
