End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
