ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
