My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
