Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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