Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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