my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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