Your tits are I can't wait for
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
