i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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