We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
