He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
