I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
