So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
