he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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